People everyday want more and more, and no amount of money can please them enough. It doesn't matter what the personal value of an object or feeling is to you is, the only thing important is the price tag attached. Do you really need that $1000 outfit that you're going to wear once? Is the most expensive thing always the most important? Or is it how much you care for it that you should pay attention to?
As we depart from the driveway at 5 in the morning, the sun is just coming up. Packed in between coolers and blankets, I am just comfortable enough to be able to drift off to sleep. The familiar stores and houses come to an end as we pass from town to town. We get on the highway, and I can hear the high pitched screeching of the wind coming through the opened window. Someone presses the automatic window button and the squealing ceases. I know we are getting closer; the streets are becoming smaller and the houses closer. The roads are the same as last summer, and they start to get sandy as we near the beach.
Whether we are camping or staying at a hotel, the routine is always the same; drop our bags and head for the beach. We all take off our shoes as we race down the sand infested cement stairs. The reminiscence of cigarette butts and old soda cans block our path as we step into the cool smooth sand. It will heat up as the day wears on, and we will be hopping to save the soles of our feet from burning. But now we run towards the water, passing the different textures of sand, as it turns hard with rocks and then to mud as the waves brush against the shore. We stand far away from water, not wanting to interfere with the pattern of brushing and falling, folding and falling. As we slowly creep forward, we wonder who will be first to dip their toes in the chilly water.
I move carfully at first, then bolt towards the water, freezing my feet. I run out as fast as I had gone in, getting my feet dirty as the sand connects with the water. As we walk back once more towards the sandy steps, the cigarette butts, and empty soda cans, I don't worry, because I know we will be back again tomorrow.
We walk on the sidewalk feeling every crack of the cement with our sandy feet. We pass stores selling tie-dyed t-shirts and painted seashells. All of the huge extravagant hotels that we will never stay in catch our eyes as we keep going, glancing into all the stores. We walk deeper into the town where all of the houses are and the more affordable hotels were we will be rooming are. The cheaper hotels are more comfortable anyways. The expensive ones feel as if you can't move anything and everything has it's specific place. I can't wait to unpack and go back to the warm sand with our penguin blanket.
I plug in the earplugs and press play. What will come first I don't know, and I don't care. I turn up the volume to high and listen for the beginning *beep* to know the song is about to start. I am able to let the beat sweep me away and I begin to sing as loud and obnoxiously as I can. My door is shut and nobody will hear me.
I am swept away by the rhythms and lyrics. The beats pull me deeper and deeper out of the real world. The song overtakes me, and I am no longer even singing the correct words. I spin around my room and clash into the mound of clothes that have captured my room for their own. As the song ends, I can already guess which song will come next. I have memorized the song order over the course of millions of times hitting play.
All of the songs come to a close, and I push the button on my MP3 up to turn it off, knowing I have loads of homework to be done. I pull out the earplugs and rap it around the small black music player. It may have only been about $30, but it is worth so much more to me, and does so much more than make noise when I plug it in to my speaker and turn up the volume as high as it will go.
Both my MP3 and trips to the beach take me to another place. My MP3 brings me away from everything mentally, and it allows me to cool down from the stress of the day. Trips to the beach lets me relax physically in another area. I enjoy listening to my music because I like to have my own times, and no matter how loud and out of tune I am singing, nobody can laugh at me because I am usually all alone.
I love to go to to the beach because I am spending time with my family, which we don't often get a chance to do at home with my parents working and my brother and I in school Monday to Friday. It gives me a different view than the same houses and the same people I see everyday. I can relax and have fun without anyone judging me, because I usually don't see anyone I know at the beach. I love being able to shove my feet in the sand and feeling the grains between my toes.
10 comments:
The author seems to be saying that her mp3 and trips to the beach are valuable to her. She values her trips to the beach because she gets to relax and gets away from the world. She values her mp3 because she can get away from the world mentally and listen to good music. I liked how she described them both and they both obvioulsy are valuauble to her.
I think the mp3 was most vividly described because she says she gets away from the world. I really liked when she said that she doesn't care if anyone hears her. My favorite quote of the story is " I am able to let the beat sweep me away and I begin to sing as loud and obnoxiously as I can. My door is shut and nobody will hear me." I like this because she said that she could sing as obnoxiously as she wanted.
One of this essays strengths was that she is very good at using the present tense in her sentences and paragraphs. It feels like you are with her at the beach or listening to her ipod too. She describes each one very vividly. She also uses good adjectices like in the 2nd paragraph " am swept away by the rhythms and lyrics."
The only thing that I would comsider to do on this essay would be to not switch to the mp3 so quickly. It's kind of like you get to the beach and then you leave. I want to know what else actually do at the beach. Otherwise this essay was very good.
I thought your value essay was great. There wasn’t much you could do to improve it but your second paragraph was a little confusing. Over all I would give it a thumbs up. Nice work!
From the author’s story she says she values going to the beach and her iPod or mp3 player. She comments that things today seem to only have value in money. No one cares about personal value but what it costs.
I personally find it hard to extend on something physical so I think the more descriptive one would be the moment. I think this because if you had to widen the moment you could but you can’t widen the description of a physical object. I especially liked the part about her jumping out of the cold water. It was done very nicely.
I think organization was the strength of this essay. The author was not missing any parts. She comes to a good closing at the end of each part. It flows nicely.
I think that working on your introduction would improve your essay. It was nice but you didn’t introduce you items. You didn’t state what value actually meant to you. Besides that this essay was very good.
I think that Marissa’s essay starts off very strong, and is very impressive. Marissa usually seems so quiet so it’s like a new side of her! I think that her opening statement is good because she states that money doesn’t always buy happiness. Marissa values her MP3 player and trips to the beach.
I think that both of Marissa’s essays were exquisitely written. They both were truly amazing and filled with vivid and clear details. I personally would have to say that I enjoyed reading about her trip to the beach more then her ipod only because I too love going to the beach! I liked the part in her essay where she wrote, “Whether we are camping or staying at a hotel, the routine is always the same; drop our bags and head for the beach.” This one sentence stood out to because it represented what the prompt of this essay was about, that money doesn’t always every situation the best and it is how you make the best out of every situation.
The essays overall strength was everything about it. (lol) I think that it was set up and organized perfectly. I also think that her rich description took this essay to a whole new level. I had clear pictures while reading her essay. (well done Marissa!)
One piece of advice I give to Marissa is not to change ANYTHING! I love your originality in your writing, and your detail. Every little detail you put into your writing makes the reader enjoy your piece so much more! Great job! I think Mr. B-G has some competition with his exemplar piece ☺
I thought Marissa’s essay was very well written. She compared her trips to the beach and
her mp3 player. I think her questions were thought out and they fit well together. My favorite question is “Is the most expensive thing always the most important?”
I thought that Marissa explained her trip to the beach the best. She used vivid descriptions of going to the beach and what the beach looks like. I like the line, “The reminiscence of cigarette butts and old soda cans block our path as we step into the cool smooth sand.” I can picture this in my mind
I thought the overall strength in Marissa’s essay is her vivid description of the beach and her mp3. She had good word choice and a description of how she feels when she is at the beach or listening to her mp3.
I would try to maybe write and ending paragraph where you talk about what you think is the definition of value or something along those lines. I really enjoyed reading this essay!
That was AH-MAYZING Missa. Great job =D LOVED IT. <3 anyway.. both things seem to be really important to you, and thats what matters.
I think that you did a really good job of describing the beach trips, even down to the gross cigerette butts. Its funny, cause I feel as if I'm right there walking along with you. The details were spectacular.
overall, for the strength i thought that the details would be the best. You honestly made me feel like i was there at the beach or i was trying to listen to you sing obnoxiously.
really, i would only suggest being a little more catchy so you want to read further, and have good closure. otherwise. Spectacular!! =D
I think Marissa shows a strong point of view in that its not the item that should be cherished, but the memories or care of the item that make them valuable. Both descriptions of her item show that it is mostly the memory or experience of the item that they remember, not the item itself.
I think that Marissas description of the beach is very well written. She includes specific details such as the contents of the car, and her emotions during each part of the trip. My favorite part was her description of the sand textures and dipping her feet in the water. My favorite quote was, "But now we run towards the water, passing the different textures of sand, as it turns hard with rocks and then to mud as the waves brush against the shore."
I think a strong point in Marissas essay is her vivid description of important details that ehance the feeling of the essay. BY including these sights, smells, and textures she makes the reader feel like she is actually at the beach. She also has a solid comparison and difference of the memories.
To improve this essay, i would add to your introduction, because you can expand on the idea you presented to the reader. You might want to add more specific and deep questions or comparisons to the begining paragraph. But overall, this essay was great!
It was clear to me from this essay that Marissa values experiences over actual items, because in her introductory paragrpah she was contradicting those who are materialistic. She also describes both her experience and her item as two specific moments in time, which seems to be more precious to her.
Unlike other essays that I have read, I believe that Marissa has found the perfect balance for her two valuable things. This is mostly becaus eshe described each one with the same amount of effort and extensive language, which drew me in and actually took me by suprise, seeing that someone had acutally balanced out her items.
Probably the strongest part about this essay was the writing style, which was clearly unique. It showed how Marissa used her vocabulary to take the description of an object or scene to a new level, and she was not afraid to really give us the feeling for how the beach and her MP3 player ake her feel.
The only thing that I would work on for this essay is to check for proper spelling and for run-on sentences. Other than that Marissa shouldn't change a thing!
I think that you are trying to say that true value is not how expensive something is, it's how much it means to you.
I think that you desribed your MP3 player better, but only by a little bit. It had lots of information to help me understand what's going on, Also you paid a lot of attention to making sure you had lots of detail.
One of your strength is good diction :). You used a lot of strong vocabulary which helped me really understand what you're talking about. Also, you had a really good concluding paragraph :)
I wouldn't really suggest changing much except for making sure you spell and grammar check. This a great essay :)
Marrisa, I really liked your stories. They had lots of wonderful imagery in them. I could totally relate to each of your experiences.
I think your time at the beach was more vivid than listening to your ipod. There were a lot of descriptive points in it.
Your overall strenghs were your diction. You were incredibly descriptive. That made the essay seem realistic.
There aren't many things I would change to this essay. Try making it flow more and alternate your words.
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